I don't like to say the things in my head out loud.

It just makes them true.

I don't understand why everything has to be so god damn hard for me.

I've been having a really rough time since my graduation party... that no one came to. I've been really upset about it and just moody and moping around the house. I just don't have friends like I used to have and it makes me really sad. I don't know if I did something, or why, but nothing is the same anymore. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am shitty. I thought I was getting better, not shittier. Speaking of getting shittier, now that I'm not going to go to therapy anymore, what if that is what's been keeping me from being uber mega shitty?

I'm really terrified of what's coming next. I have no idea and it scares the hell out of me.

My birthday is tomorrow and I just want to sleep through it. Why celebrate? Who will show up?

I just feel extremely alone right now and all I do is keep people away when all I want is someone to talk to. It's like I get a kick out of torturing myself. It sucks. It sucks a lot. I don't konw if it's survival mode or me just being super fucked up. Either way, it blows majorly.

I just don't know what to do, what to say, or how to act right now.

Of course I'm being overly dramatic about not being with anyone on my birthday. Ronnie is taking me out and I'm sure I'll have a lovely, wonderful time with him. I'm just sad that he's going to be the only one to notice the day go by.