So yeah.

I can't even form enough coherent thoughts to write anymore. I haven't for a very long time. I can't figure out what is wrong with me. I'm spiraling out of control again. I'm crying, drinking until I can't remember things, and just making giant leaps backwards into the hell that I came from. Why? Why would I do that when I know where that road leads? Am I insane? The definition is repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome. Should I just go ahead and commit myself know before I hurt someone or end up hurting myself?

Who fucking knows.

So what am I doing? I'm doing all of the things I don't want to do. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to drink myself into oblivion. I want to be happy. I don't know how to be happy anymore. I like to watch Sex and the City. That makes me happy. I like to do hair. That makes me happy.

And I'm done. I can't even focus on this long enough to actually make any sense of myself. I guess I'm just going to bed.